Hey everyone

Been a while since i've been on here to write, to cover the resent, event coordinator for models, uni - boring, work - long and bitchy, and then the really bad news, which happened after the great party

Work and uni are the same so I 'll move on, dude's party was great, my outfit was fanastic with a long blond wig, mini dress, knee high white boots and that white hat ( I'll put up pictures up later) and hers was great - dude- I'll let her decribe it or put up photos but it was great except for the not being able to do it up or down yourself

Sorry to those of you who thought i was a little manic that night but to explain, my grandfather had been really sick and i was going to see him the next day, it felt like a goodbye and worst so when i was there which is what leads to the really bad news and im sure so of you have figured it out now, he died early monday morning, the funeral was thursday. there is nothing else to say really, its mortal and stupid and weird going there and damn it i dont want to talk about it except the best thing to do after a funeral is to go through old photos with everyone

Moving on I been really busy with the Finesse model Preview Parade to which i was event coodinator where I organised their office, staff included, then ordered around 60 models before getting several possible offers for more work and an offer to be photographed, after i had the wine on no food all day (always fun) but I had fun in the end

Thats me up to date and i have nothing much else to say so night

Hello again!!

Did you miss me? Did you notice me gone?

I've been busy, well more so than usual, been living in the city (staying with relatives) while i worked at the festival centre for 2 weeks finishing up my industry placement, what was meant to be no more than 160 hours that i managed to wrangle to 180 became 220 hours which is all free work and slave labour and has meant that my lecturer is not very pleased but hey my choice so oh well and it was . . . . .. .FANASTIC! ! !

I had so much fun, i really wana work in this area and i believe that i may be good at it because they want me to come back, which is just well ahhhhhh in the good way (now you all understand well i get my name)

I spent the first 2 weeks (total of 3 weeks off work- brilliant person invented holidays- 2 at festival centre and 3rd at WOMAD), i was mostly gofa for both and i loved the festival centre, its such a rabbit warren but once you know the way its great ( it was great getting lost too)

WOMAD, well i didnt hate it but i got the idea that the people i worked with didnt like me, mostly chicks will understand this but 3 other women who had been working together for 5 weeks and i was the other one and well there was friction, nothing outright but it did kinda ruin the time in a small way for me

Other stuff that happened - i turned 21, had to work it spent the time cleaning a harmonium, if you dont know what that is look it up i sick of telling people and then i went to the fringe on my own and then went back to my aunty and uncles place who seemed to think my birthday was the day before but hey i still enjoyed it, also and im not answering questions about this but i experienced my first crush on a chick, not going anywhere but it was interesting and hey the next week at WOMAD developed a bigger crush on the site coordinator, he was cute and nice which is a plus

In true me form i had many random conversations with people, met a guy on the bus, old and i was being polite turns out hes suing the state theatre company next year, many of the artists at WOMAD were interesting and what does it mean when one, old knows im young thinks i have a boyfriend and still wants to keep in touch it was strange, said i was the friendly person he had met in Adelaide and that 'you're really beautiful' so im not sure what this meant but hey another random conversation that began about licencing for driving the golf buggies that we use to get around womad (stuff capitals)

And now im back and its like i was never gone except i would never leave my desk or the office in that state, 3 days and i still havent sorted it out

Uni is going to be busy for the next 3 weeks but hey thats what happens when your not there for 2 weeks, nearly 3

and as i now need to clean my room and get things ready for my birthday bbq on sunday im gona go

Dont wear red!

Wow, I forgot I wrote all this and I started again which basically began with me saying I thought I had updated this before, turns out I did just didn’t put it on here

So the latest, I have a wonderful time on Saturday night, I worked as an assistant stage manager and I just a email from lecturer which was high praise of the way I did me job, something about how I dealt wonderfully with the speakers and my calm attitude, I blushed when I read it, praise is not something that is handed out easily in this industry so I feel kinda embarrassed

Now - homework, lots due next week and some this week , ill get it done, I always do and by the way not as tired as when I started this

So with that jumbled journal done (or at least when I’ve run out of stuff that is well that I can be bothered writing)

Bye again for probably another month when I so this again

So while the shiny is back i still havent felt like my usual self and i figured out why, i always do what everyone else wants, i put up with crap from almost everyone and then i feel shit later and its like i have no idea why

Well now i know and i figured that doing what others want is fine up to a point becasue it is part of who i am, i do the right thing, i'm nice and i liked that about me so i'm going to be that again and i also going back to being direct so i dont like something then your gona know

Basically i'm gona be the person i was all over again, from what i can tell that is nice, polite, direct, some what implusive, crazy but fun with it and if u dont like it get out of my life! ( i plan to use this thought alot, so to some people in particular who alway complain about this - if you dont like my driving then i dont drive when we go out, i havent caused an accident yet, been in one but hey light and couldnt see so not my fault and also some of these people wouldnt like to have me say similar things so they will learn that i wont put up with it any more)

Also if i wana dress like a model then damn it i'm gona dress like a model! I like getting dressed up and being girly at times and thats fine with me so everyone can make that fine with them! so lay off people cos i'm ready to fight back

and breathe

theres also a whole bit about my family but i wont state that all here as frankly i dont want you all to know

I think life is going to be good again and i look forward to actioning my thoughts, it will my life good again at least, maybe not all others until they get use to it but that is not my problem

to leave you all now with an example of my current thought patterns . . .
tired so very very tired, hey something shiny and gotta write the journal for Ip and Gilmore girls is on tonight, dont for get to buy a diary today or take dvd back(reassure the dude behind counter again that im not having a break down), be nice to the Matt guy, you have to work with him and i think he has esteen issues, mmm chocolate crap gotta do my hair and with that i hope you all assured

Christmas is over, which is a yayy, if your me, I mean i like the happy season but there are things about it that depress me so my mood improves as i get further from it

And now i am left wondering what now...its that same feeling that i usually have that i am waiting for something and i am beginning to wonder if it will ever come, but hey to the whatever as i plan to drown this feeling in much alcohol on new years eve as is nearby ( also a warning to anyone who i am gong to see that night)

Have spent much time with friends lately, you all know who you are as your the ones who read this and well i just want to thank you all for well putting up with me, i feel i have not been happy self and well i dont like it and if you noticed well it was just that time of year but as i say at the top of this, christmas is over and well thanks for keeping me in our own version of sanity as without it i think i am likely to either go nuts and take off somewhere or possible freak out and not go near outside society cos with the people ( think i could like life as a loner- it would be quiet -blame this thought on dude who got sick and left me all on my own to amuse myself and im starting to think im a person who shouldnt be cut off from people)

Oh and i started a new story that none of you can read cos the reason i like most of my work is cos no one else reads it but hey im trying to find or write something that i can put on here
( i know i said that last time but what you gona do?)

anyway as its late and my foot is going to sleep im gona call this done for now

Happy new years to all and well bye

Matts! I seem to be having a problem there, guys named Matt in their late 20's, and the latest i think is 30!

And what's worse is that i have to work with him, hes one of my supervisor types at the festival centre and its just ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, its kinda hard to explain

I feel a little better now, but still mean cos i know hes gonna be a guy who doesnt take it well

I hate my life at times like this and to make it worse my cousin called and i have very little way of getting out of being taken out by her on christmas eve, now this to the unknowing think oh family how nice but this really means that she wants to hook up with someone and i have to i dont know play bait, its crap and ill spend all the time not being me cos everyone i meet with her is small minded and doesnt understand the idea of uni or thought processes beyond the animal levels, basically ill get hit on alot before going home alone as my cousin will find here own way, oh yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

So anyway i think i'm not 100% well at the moment which may explain the moods and tireness which are not very like me, I'm seeing a doctor soon and all shall hopefully be clear

I have nearly finished transcribing for 1 of my lecturers interviews for his phD which means that i should have more spare time and christmas shopping is driving me nuts cos people are annoying at this time

Oh and by spare time i mean to work on stuff that i will put on here, most of the stuff i have written in resent years i cant put on here as i consider them to revealing about my character (id like to keep some of my mystique whatever i have left) the only so far out of all my recent work was Unseen Moments as its the one i feel most dettached about but there are ideas that i have put off that i would be willing for all to see, oh and i have a scanner maybe so i try adding some of my drawings or doodles which help me while away otherwise pointless moments in various places, mostly work

Well now i need sleep, i feel better for venting but i will worry until i have spoken to this guy so if you have any advice, could be helpful just remember that i try to be nice and kind and that i have to work this guy after

That's it I'm done